Are you defined by your values, or your stuff?

by Rebecca on March 31   ///   12 Comments

Laundry detergent is more important than you think.

The right piece of furniture, or art, or that flat screen TV is marginal to your sense of well being. Really. What actually matters are the other seemingly frivolous household objects that convey a sense of integrity and purpose to our lives.

Like that chipped coffee cup you drink from each morning. Or those Beatles coasters that totally make you feel like a cooler person.

This was all proven way back in 1981 when researcher Mihaly Czikzentmihalyi asked what objects were special to individuals and why.

One woman showed the researcher a tacky plastic statue with blurred features. Czikzentmihalyi reports, “With some hesitancy, the interviewer asked the woman why the statue was so special to her?”

“The woman answered with great enthusiasm that the statue had been given to her by a Tupperware regional sales manager as a prize. Whenever she looked at the statue, she didn’t see the cheapness, but an image of herself as a capable, successful businessperson.”

I have a special affinity for my license plates, enjoy that Seventh Generation All-Purpose Cleaner represents my values, and take great pride that I got my dining room chairs at a huge discount.

Household objects that have meaning to us are those that we have a relationship with, and those meanings change with the interactions and experiences we have. They show us where we’ve been, where we’re going and who we are now.

And they’re often the only concrete symbols of who we are, our goals, and the significant and salient events in our lives.

So it’s not how your living room looks, or how it expensive your car is, or the status your Kitchen Aid mixer brings you. Instead, it’s the memories and associations the object has with your family members and friends.

You hold on to a lipstick long after it’s safe because a good friend recommended it. Using toothpaste may be more exciting because you got a free sample after a movie. You might cry for hours over a broken bowl because it belonged to your father.

These objects, they acquire meanings as we use them, becoming integrated in our whole life experience and before you know it, you can’t tell where you begin and the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser ends.

Are you defined by your values, your stuff, or both? What household objects bring meaning to your life? Or doesn’t it matter?

  

  • http://www.thisfullhouse.com Liz@thisfullhouse

    Boy, you’re not kidding. We’ve got stuff. My husband and I are pack rats. So, BOY do we got stuff. Then, there are items (like you said) that are very, very special. Mine just so happens to be a coffee mug and it’s the very first Mother’s Day gift, bleached to high heaven. It says, “I [heart] You” and you can’t even see the [heart] anymore, but for me it will always be there. [sniff] Dang, let’s go back to talking about bleach…m’kay :)

  • http://www.jomaracres.com Christy

    This is so true! One of my gifts for Christmas this year from my mother was dish towels that she made with the days of the week machine embroidered into them. I use all of them regularly, except for Sunday, which I folded up and stashed in the back of a drawer. I didn’t want to use it because it “smells” like home. Whenever I’m missing my mom, I take it out and smell it. :-)

  • http://blog.alice.com Rebecca Thorman

    @ Liz – Thanks for sharing – that coffee mug sounds awesome. You should definitely post a picture of it. : )

    @ Christy – That’s such a sweet story. Handmade items always hold a special place. I save all the notes and cards from my mother since her handwriting is “home.” :) Thanks for commenting!

  • http://twentyset.com Monica O’Brien

    Hi Rebecca,

    Great post. I think what you said about Seventh Generation representing your values is so important. In the past, companies could sell a product on features and price. This still happens of course, but now, it seems like people are willing to pay more money for products from companies that correspond with what they value. (Especially when it comes to eco-friendly products.) It’s a lesson to companies to look at the lifestyles of people today and create products that fit, rather than the other way around.

  • http://www.jomaracres.com Christy

    @ Rebecca – Handwriting!!! This is so true. My mom resists using technology in her scrapbooking for that very reason. You are so right, such a “homey” feeling. – Now I think I need to go write letters. :-)

  • http://www.quarterlifelady.com Akirah

    Your stuff. It’s a reflection of your values, which in turn defines who you are.

  • http://blog.alice.com Rebecca Thorman

    @ Monica – I pay more for a product if it corresponds with my values and if it works – I love Seventh Generation especially because it has no smell, and I greatly dislike the smell of cleaning products. :) I love the lesson to companies, right on.

    @ Christy – I saw on Oprah once that she frames her hand-written notes as decoration. Loved that.

    @ Akirah – That’s definitely how I see it, thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.reallifeblog.net Sarah (Real Life)

    My favorite things are those that I got an incredible deal on! I don’t know why, but I always brag about how inexpensively I get things!

  • http://waytoomanyquestions.blogspot.com/ James

    I have a Sunday morning ritual with the newspaper, a pot of coffee, and my Jellyfish.com coffee mug.
    Good times…… good times.

  • http://blog.alice.com Rebecca Thorman

    @ Sarah – Me too! I guess that means we’re smart women :)

    @ James – That sounds absolutely lovely!

  • http://momitforward.com/frugal-living%e2%80%94how-to-avoid-impluse-purchases Frugal Living—How to Avoid Impluse Purchases : Mom it Forward

    [...] a four-hundred dollar running watch doesn’t make you get up at 6:00 am every morning and hop on a treadmill. That’s because [...]

  • Amber Berglund

    I went through a phase where I was trying to define my values (for myself). In the process, I threw out all my furniture, including my bed.
    I’d been grieving the loss of the man I loved, and wanted to start living again. His death wiped me out, financially, and I found myself living in a one-room apartment, without anything but a couple of chairs (for guests, in an effort to be polite).
    I kept my art, and a few sentimental pieces, but my apartment was still very stark. When I started to date, and invite aquaintances into my living space, I found I was being defined, by them, by my lack of furniture and the size of my apartment. As though, some how, the absence of furniture meant I was a person of low character, and wasn’t worth knowing.
    I think not showing material possessions…not owning *things* is very frightening to a lot of people.

    My house is cleaner than people who do own furniture. The freedom of motion and open space feels good to me.

    A lot of Americans (and some Europeans) don’t really understand minimalism.

« previous  |  next »