I guess we’re old fashioned. I stay home, hubs works. So, I do all the housework. Now, on a rare occasion he may surprise me and do dishes, but like I said, that’s rare. lol We share the outdoor chores like mowing, tho this year he’s taken care of that so far.
This works out ok for us. But, I imagine if I worked full time, away from the house, I’d like some help! lol Right now I just throw in a few loads of laundry in between jobs (I work from home) and it all gets done somehow!

For us, it’s pretty simple. My wife does the laundry, because there are so many rules and details that I’ll screw it up (as I have in the past). I handle the dishes and the kitchen, since that seemed to be a fair trade. Beyond that, it’s all about who has more time.

Oh, and if killing bugs is a household task, then that’s mine 100%, every time.

Interesting post. I kind of assumed my wife would do all the house work when we got married, but then I found out she wasn’t so great at cooking and now I do the cooking. We don’t have a backyard, so I don’t have anything to take care of outdoors, but I help out around the house and stuff. Don’t girls get trained to do that stuff when they’re kids? I know my dad taught me how to fix sinks and stuff, don’t girls get taught how to do laundry and cleaning?

This might be because I was the older of the two kids in my family or because my dad was completely inept at maintenance type stuff, my mom and I were always the one who “fixed sinks and stuff” at my house. And both my mom and dad gardened as a hobby, so they both did a lot of yard work. Yeah, I learned how to do laundry and all of that, but my brother did, too. I never really assumed that my gender made me more inclined to do one task or another. There are some things that my size (I’m pretty petite) keeps me from doing–namely heavy lifting–but other than that, I’m pretty much a jane of all trades around the house.

My boyfriend and I tend to split the chores pretty evenly. I’m a little more fanatical about bathrooms, and he’s a little more fanatical about not leaving dishes in the sink, so there are obviously some areas where one of us does more of the work than the other. I kind of prefer the whole shared responsibility in all areas thing, though. Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t mow the yard, and just because you’re a boy doesn’t mean you can’t figure out how to run a vacuum. (Seriously. It’s not that hard.)

@Erica M, That sounds like a pretty ideal set up! It would be great to stay home and have the time and energy to take care of all that stuff! I’m so glad my husband is so willing to help out with these things, it makes life so much better for us both!

@Norcross, My husband has the dubious honor of being the official bug killer too. If he’s not around our dog makes pretty quick work of the nasty critters as well. I think it’s so encouraging to know that there are other guys, besides my wonderful husband, who are willing to help out where help’s needed. I genuinely think this leads to more free time and happier spouses!

@Ryan, I did learn a lot about cleaning and stuff from my mother, but most of what I’ve learned about taking care of a home I learned from being on my own as a real-life grown up. Sad to hear your wife’s cooking didn’t live up to expectations, I hope she wasn’t offended!

Mark and I do a pretty good job at splitting up chores. He is the laundry guy because apparently I have man genes when it comes to laundry and mess it up all the time(no offense, men). I do the dishes and fold the laundry (haven’t messed that up… yet). Those are our only “big” chores, otherwise just put your own stuff away and everyone is happy.

This topic is what I call the Silent Killer in live together relationships. So many people just assume how the chores list will get broken down and couples rarely have a conversation about it before someone is upset that they’re shouldering the entire workload. Great post, Erika!

@Katie, Very well put! I’m really glad you learned how to do all kinds of things, I wouldn’t know the first thing about fixing sinks! If my husband and I ever have kids I’ll probably insist that everyone, regardless of gender, learn how to do all kinds of things around the house. I think it makes for well-rounded people. I appreciate that you and your boyfriend play to your strengths! There really are some chores that seem to come easier to some people!

@Marie, Thanks so much! I can definitely see this becoming a silent killer. When Wes and I went through premarital counseling this was one of the topics we discussed ad nauseum. Man genes, huh? Whatever works, as long as someone is capable of handling laundry I’d say everyone wins!

Very interesting post! This is a source of many arguments for my husband and I. We, quite frankly I, have a lot on our plate at the present. I’m a work @ home mom, of a 3 year old and a high needs baby…that being said, house work piles up quickly.
A couple years ago, my husband and I took a marriage seminar/class based on the book His Needs Her Needs (I recommend it to EVERY couple). It was VERY insightful to this issue (for me at least). They said that whoever has the higher need for cleanliness (hubby, in my case) should do the house work. He didn’t like this, because he wanted me to take care of it! LOL!! Our ‘compromise’ is that I work on making sure the 3 things that push his buttons the most are taken care of – the entry way (DS likes to play there!), the kitchen counter by the sink, and laundry in our bedroom.
And if that doesn’t work, I let him know he’s more than welcome to help take care of the house if it’s a huge priority to him. :)

Great post! Erica and I seem rather unconventional, I guess, as we do have mutually agreed upon “chores,” but the distribution of tasks is based only on personal preferences (not gender stereotypes). We both cook throughout the week (the cook doesn’t have to do dishes for that meal). We both help out with laundry (although I will admit that the risk of a pen going through the wash is far higher when I do it). We both clean, but she takes the toilets and I the litter boxes.

Communication and expectation setting is certainly key! Discussions on expectations, however, are limited to general lifestyle preferences (messy vs tidy, etc.), rather than who will do what. That way, we approach all chores with an understanding of respect toward the other’s pet peeves. It works well for now…it will be interesting to see if things change five or ten years into the marriage! :-)

@Rachael, Thanks! I know SO many couples who have arguments about this issue! It’s really hard when both people are really busy and little things like chores start to slip. That book sounds really interesting, though if we followed its advice I’d be the one stuck with all the cleaning since it’s a lot more important to Wes than it is to me! Good job finding a compromise, it’s not easy in situations like that. I was a nanny for three years and know firsthand how skilled little children are at destroying cleanliness quickly and efficiently!

@Trevor, Distributing chores based on personal preferences definitely seems like the way to go, though there will always be chores no one wants to do! For Wes and I, this means vacuuming the stairs and cleaning the stovetop! It sounds like the system you’ve worked out works well! As for five to ten years into the marriage, who knows what could change? Maybe ten years into the future we’ll all have droids who will clean for us, so this will be a moot issue…

@Parsing, I’ve been championing the idea of housekeeping droids for the past decade, and yet, here we are still doing it all manually (Roomba being one of the few exceptions). I will keep the faith in innovative solutions, however! :-)

@ Trevor – You’re going to love next week’s giveaway :)

WOW! interesting posts, and interesting responses! Until now, everything has sorta happened without me thinking about who does what. I am pretty OCD about clean, so I definitely do more than half. However, we have discussed it (after a fight), and every saturday morning is cleaning time. He does a few things around the house (that he can’t possibly mess up in my eyes!), and I do the bulk. However, what he does that is more helpful than picking up a vacuum is entertaining our dog (and one day our kids). Our dog is my shadow. I can’t even go into the bathroom without him, he sits at the door and cries! Without kids, I have no problem doing essentially all the housework, so long as I know he is doing something to help, and not just sitting on the couch playing video games.

@Jill, I think that’s the crux of the my whole outlook on chores too: So long as we’re both working doing something it’s all good. Our dog is not quite my shadow but he will eat anything which means he has to be outside while I’m using toilet bowl cleaner, shower scrubber, etc. The OCD cleaning thing is a hard one to deal with. I’m very demanding, and it’s been a real learning experience letting Wes do things like vacuum/sweep when I would normally do them differently. At the end of the day, though, it’s just nice to not have to do them!

Fascinating post, having a little difficulty accessing the RSS feed. I would quite like to subscribe to your blog. Will try again tomorrow, hopefully it is fixed by then – Otherwise send me an e-mail and I might be able to help. Thanks, the guys from Family Guidebook